


Can't Help It

by Bloodism



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 07:23:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/821580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloodism/pseuds/Bloodism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gavin’s not looking for love. He’s quite content without it. He just enjoys getting up in the morning, going to work at his dream job, and having a good laugh with his friends. But then he starts to laugh a little harder at Michael, push a little closer, hold on a little longer. Love finds Gavin Free… and it sucks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Help It

Unrequited love is a bitch.

Gavin Free wouldn’t know this, though. He’s very much a one girl kinda guy. When he falls, he falls hard. And that hasn’t happened yet.

He’s caught a few girls and reeled them in for release - girls who didn’t recognise him and had a nice smile or bright eyes or a gentle laugh. But they’re gone in the morning, always. He doesn’t even have to ask them to leave.

He never talks about it to the guys. They’re pretty sure he’s got girls down to a tee, with a dainty little black book of names to call on when he needs them. They couldn’t be more wrong.

Gavin doesn’t mope. He’s not looking for love and he’s quite content without it. He just enjoys getting up in the morning, going to work at his dream job, and having a good laugh with his friends.

Ah, but then it starts changing.

January, he thinks about getting to work and playing a couple of games.

February, he thinks about how his new friendship with Barbara is really kicking off.

March, he thinks about how Michael’s actually a lot cooler than he thought.

April, he thinks about how he and Michael are getting a bit close.

May, he thinks about how it felt to have his arms wrapped around Michael in the AHWU.

June, he realises. He panics.

July is when it starts to show.

-

“Who died?”

The joke’s worn off. It’s the fourteenth time Ray has walked into the office, caught sight of Gavin’s expression, and commented on it.

“I think he’s plotting your murder,” Geoff quips from the other side of the room. There’s a more serious tone to his voice, though, and he’s watching Gavin through careful eyes.

“Cheer up, Gav.” Ray slaps him on the back as he passes and he’s trying to keep it cheerful, but he sounds concerned. Gavin smiles weakly at the two of them and goes back to staring at the hole in his desk. It’s nearing the end of the day and this is when it hits Gavin.

Because he wants to go home to get away from it and he wants to stay to try and decipher it and he wants to—he wants—

“’Sup guys!”

Michael.

It’s taken two weeks, but Gavin cracks. He stands up, grabs his bag, and barges past Michael out into the freedom of the lobby. He hears his name being called. He doesn’t care. He runs faster, pounds the floor with his feet, launches himself out of the doors.

The sun is hot on his face. Calming. Soothing.

He starts walking.

-

August.

He’s been avoiding Michael. It’s obvious to everyone, but no one’s saying anything. The third time Gavin cancelled pizza and beer with Michael, he stopped asking. The sixth time Gavin refused to take part in a conversation with Michael, he stopped trying.

Now there’s this confusing tension that’s just being juggled around between everyone else.

“You gotta talk to him,” Ray says with a surprisingly rare serious expression. Geoff scratches the back of his neck.

Yeah.

-

“’Fess up, dumbass.”

Gavin looks up from the sofa, where he’s curled up in a blanket. He wants to say he’s watching what’s on the television as a reason to not reply, but he hasn’t realised the trashy sitcom that’s come on while he’s been staring at nothing.

“Don’t wanna.”

“Come on, Gavin. You’ve been a mopey dick and it’s making everyone feel trashy. You gotta start perking up or ‘fessing up.” Geoff slumps down onto the sofa next to him and elbows him. “It’s me, buddy. Just let it go.”

Gavin meets Geoff’s gaze and holds it. It takes a minute – just one minute – and then it comes out.

“I’m in love.”

Geoff looks a little taken aback. Surprised. And then he’s letting out a laugh of relief, shoulders sinking.

“Jesus Christ. I thought—Phew. That’s okay. Who’s the lucky girl?”

Gavin’s expression immediately darkens.

“Michael.”

The smile freezes on Geoff’s face. His mouth opens, closes, opens.

“Ah.”

-

Geoff wants to say he knows how to deal with Gavin’s situation. But he really doesn’t. And neither does Gavin.

Poor asshole.

He gets the full story and throughout the whole thing, he’s just… he feels sad. He knows that changing sexuality at a young age isn’t a rare thing, but Gavin went through it on his own. Surrounded by a group of guys who he figured would laugh at him.

And how he discovered his changing sexuality? He fell for his best friend.

Who’s going out with a woman.

Fucking ouch.

So he does all he can do. He helps Gavin avoid Michael. He’s had a few hit and misses with women in the past and sometimes, keeping a distance helped him. Gavin edits at home, only comes in for Lets Plays. Geoff tells everyone else Gavin’s got some crap going on in England and needs to take phone calls privately.

Geoff crosses his fingers and hopes it’ll work out.

-

Michael doesn’t believe the horse shit Geoff’s spewing. It’s him. He doesn’t know what he did, but it’s him.

And the fact that he doesn’t know, the fact that Gavin’s desk looks empty without him, the fact that Gavin won’t look him in the eye when they bump into each other – it’s fucking tearing him apart in ways it shouldn’t.

Lindsay notices. They’ve been dating for six months, but she picks right up on it.

“Chin up,” she says sweetly, tapping Michael on the cheek. He snaps out of his thoughts and looks up, passing her a tight smile. “You okay?”

“Yeah… Yeah. Just—“ He looks at Gavin’s computer, looks at the chair Lindsay’s sitting in. She tilts her head and smiles knowingly.

“You miss Gavin?”

He huffs and starts spinning in his chair.

“You seen him around me? He’s—God, he’s so blank. What the fuck did I do? I thought we had a nice little team going on.” He stops spinning and glances at his desktop background. It’s a drawing of him and Gav in surgery gear, leaning over a patient.

“Have you asked him about it?” Lindsay asks, pushing around the little statue of the queen Gavin kept on his desk.

Michael frowns and looks at the floor. “The asshole won’t speak to me. Of course I haven’t spoken to him.”

“Want me to try?”

He looks up. Meets her gaze, warm and friendly and helpful. He quirks a smile.

“That’d be awesome.”

-

Gavin doesn’t know why he’s doing it. Maybe in a strange, twisted way, he’s that deprived of Michael’s company. Seeing his girlfriend is the closest thing he can get to seeing him.

He pulls out the chair for her and she seats herself into it, thanking him with a cute smile. She’s pretty. She’s clever, plays computer games, has a perfect laugh, nice lips, silky hair, she’s—she’s perfect. Gavin can’t hate her for it, either.

He would be suspicious of the dinner, had he not known that she was taking out everyone for food, one-on-one. A way of getting to know them better, he guesses. It seems like something she’d do.

The waitress hands them their menus. They order. Gavin picks up his glass of water.

“So, Gavin… I’d ask you about yourself. But I already know.” He swallows a mouthful of water too large for his throat.

“Oh?” He croaks. Lindsay leans forwards and twines her fingers together.

“Michael cares about you, you know. He’s feisty, but he’s a big softy under all that.” Gavin immediately regrets not being suspicious. Lindsay’s watching him with big, open, worried eyes. “Why are you doing this?”

She’s… It’s infuriating that Gavin immediately opens her mouth to tell her. It seems so easy. She’s not worried about just Michael; she’s worried about him.

“I… It’s complicated.” A typical cliché response, but it’s true. It is and he can’t.

Their food arrives. They eat in silence for a few minutes, Gavin picking at his steak and Lindsay nibbling on her chips.

“I had this guy friend in high school – Dean - who I was crushing on big time. I wasn’t much of a fan of having girly friends. They didn’t get my obsession with computer games.” Gavin looks up after the sudden outburst. Lindsay’s pointedly not looking at him, stirring the chips on her plate round with a fork. “I had this other friend - Chris. Reminded me of Ray, actually. Had a bit of a crush on him too.” She meets his gaze and her eyes twinkle. “See, after they both buffed out a bit, I noticed Dean getting distant. Chris managed to snatch up a pretty hot girlfriend. Once that happened, Dean stopped hanging out with us. For good.” Lindsay shrugged and looked down at her food. “It wasn’t much of a loss. You make other friends, people part ways and all that. But he didn’t. He hung around on his own. Started coming in looking…”

Her eyes slide upwards. “Looking like you.”

Gavin swallows the lump of steak that’d been sitting heavy on his tongue. Lindsay puts her fork down, expression forcefully bright.

“A few weeks after his breakdown, he stopped coming in. I didn’t know where he went, or why he left. About a year ago, I get a friend request on Facebook. It’s Dean. We talk – just pleasantries – until I bring up high school. And he tells me why he left.” She pushes her plate of food away and pulls Gavin’s hand towards hers. He jumps, startled, and watches her, waiting for the rest of the story. She looks him in the eye. “High school’s a bad place to figure out where your interests lie. And when Dean found out he was in love with Chris it—it tore him apart.”

Gavin yanks his hand away, biting his wobbly bottom lip.

“It’s not like that.” His voice quivers.

Lindsay isn’t angry. She smiles.

“Take your time, Gavin.”

He does. He wants to leave, but his feet keep him there. He wants to curl up in his bed, but he’s gripping the table. He wants to stop the words coming out, but they do anyway.

He talks.

-

September.

Michael rests his forehead on the desk.

It’s been two weeks. Gavin hasn’t come in for two weeks. Geoff says he’s gone back to England. Didn’t say when – or if - he’d be back and… Fucking hell, he hadn’t even said  _goodbye._

It’s looking bad. Gavin’s almost a taboo subject in the office. No one likes to ask, no one wants to think about what might happen. Losing a member of the Roosterteeth team doesn’t seem like a possibility, but it’s teetering dangerously on the edge and it’s… it’s disheartening.

“Who died?” Michael sticks his middle finger up at Ray, oblivious to Geoff’s reaction at the joke.

“We running a funeral home or something? Everyone’s so frickin’ depressed.” Ray throws himself into his chair. His comment almost has a hint of malice behind it. No one bothers responding. Jack sets up the camera for AHWU and starts recording. No one can bring themselves to mess around.

They’re a tower of Jenga blocks. Take one out and the tower starts to wobble. Take two and it’s a calamity.

Michael and Gavin are the missing blocks.

-

October.

It was only a matter of time. Lindsay rests a hand on Michael’s arm. He figures she should look guiltier for breaking up with him, but they both know it’s the end.

“Hey, we’re best buddies. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Michael grins and pushes her away.

“What if I don’t want you to be my best buddy, huh?”

She slaps him and giggles. The giggle dwindles out into a weak upturn of the lips and then the amusement fades from her eyes. She grabs his arm, fingers digging in. The atmosphere changes when she smiles at him pitifully.

“I know that spot’s already got someone else’s name on it.”

She turns and leaves Michael standing, frozen, in the hall.

-

November.

He stops, hand unmoving on the handle of the door to the Roosterteeth office. He’s only just fucking realised.

Gavin had left the night he’d gone out to dinner with Lindsay. Michael had tried poking at Lindsay, he had, but all she would say is ‘he’s sorting it’. And that’s it. Nothing.

He’d thought, for a while, that maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe Gavin had other issues and he was sorting those. But it was still lingering, still there. He had to be the problem.

Whatever Gavin had admitted to Lindsay that night and whatever Lindsay had told him, it’d struck him deep.

Fuck, Michael missed him. He wanted Gavin back. The old Gavin. Not depressed, distant, sad Gavin.

He opens the door to the office and walks in, letting out a sigh. They had a Minecraft Lets Play to film and he knew he’d spend most of it wishing he had Gavin around to yell at. He opened the Achievement Hunter office door with a smile on his face, reminiscing.

“Someone looks like they had fun without me.”

Michael’s heart drops into his stomach. His bag falls to the floor.

_Gavin._

Gavin’s sitting at his desk – his  _desk –_ and beaming up at him. It’s been months. Months. Fucking  _months._

“Asshole.” Michael’s voice shakes and fuck, nope, fucking  _no,_ there are  _not_ tears in his eyes.

There is. Gavin’s smile is falling, but there’s a glimmer of apology in his eyes and a ‘sorry’ in his lips and  _fuck._

Michael leans forwards and yanks Gavin out of his chair, throwing his arms around him and hiding his face because he is  _not_ letting the other guys see him cry. Oh, he’s crying. He’s letting tears drop from his eyelashes to Gavin’s neck, holding tighter and pulling closer.

“Where the fuck were you? You—You could have—Text. Texted. Or—you’re speaking to me? Why—Gavin.” Too many things come out at once and he just gives up.

“I feel like I’m watching a rom-com,” Ray comments from his desk. There’s a clatter and a yelp. Geoff’s thrown something at him.

“I missed you.”

Fuck, the bastard had to go and say that. As if Michael didn’t feel like a girl already. It’s his Gavin. He’s—his Gavin’s talking and smiling and  _talking_ and he’s hugging him back and—

“Fucking fuck,  _fuck.”_  Michael pulls away and wipes his hand across his nose, letting a grin spread over his face. Gavin looks down at his own shoulder and his face scrunches up.

“Gross. Michael snot.”

Michael laughs. Jesus, it’s all so cheesy, it’s all so dramatic, but he laughs like he hasn’t laughed in months.

“We need to talk, you piece of shit,” Michael says, laughter in his voice and  _God_ the atmosphere in the room is almost glowing.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Ray ducks, prepared this time, narrowly avoiding the Xbox game case that Geoff throws.

Gavin nods. Michael slaps him on the shoulder and holds the door open for him. They leave behind a very solemnly quiet Achievement Hunter Team.

They manage to find a little room to tuck themselves into. Burnie’s out for lunch, so they figure they’ll be safe.

“So…” Gavin throws himself into Burnie’s chair and shrugs, rubbing his palms on his thighs. Michael watches the movement. “What’s up?”

He’s trying to get mad, but damn, Michael’s just too happy that Gavin’s  _there._

“What’s up? You disappeared, you asshole. That’s what’s up.”

“I had things to do.” Gavin’s avoiding eye contact, picking at a thread on his jeans. If that’s not clue enough that he’s lying, the fact that Michael knows him better than he knows himself is just as much of a clue.

“’Things’? Cut the bullshit.” Michael leans back against the wall and kicks Gavin in the shin, throwing him a smile. “Come on. It was me, wasn’t it? What did I do?”

Suddenly, it’s heavy. The air is thick and Michael finds himself choking back extra breaths when Gavin lifts his head to give him this  _look._

“Everything.”

Michael swallows. Everything? What—What the fuck did that even mean? He doesn’t realise he’s said this out loud until Gavin lets out a humourless laugh and stands up. He moves closer and closer and closer, until they’re breathing into each other.

“I liked you, you plonker.”

Oh.

_Oh._

Words regurgitate in Michael’s throat until he can spit them out.

“A-As in…  _like_  like?”

Gavin’s gaze flickers down to his lips and the temperature in the room increases tenfold.

“As in, I fancied the pants off you, yeah.”

Michael dampens his bottom lip with a stroke of his tongue and Gavin’s eyes follow it.

“Any particular reason this is in past tense?” He asks. Michael lets out a breath when Gavin moves away, but his hands twitch to pull him back in.  _An urge that doesn’t go unnoticed._

“You had Lindsay. I had a big gay freak out. I went home to sort myself out and now I’m back.” His back is to Michael and his voice is so crestfallen, Michael steps forwards but—

Gavin turns around, grinning like an idiot, even though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“It’s cool. We’re good. Just forget it. Let’s get back—“ Gavin doesn’t even get to the door. Michael’s grasped his arm in a tight grip and swung him around. Gavin’s back hits the wall with a thump. There’s no time to catch back his breath before Michael’s in his space, pushing close and running hands down his shoulders and chest.

“Do you have any idea what you did to me?” Michael whispers into Gavin’s mouth and  _fuck,_ he didn’t mean for it to get so intimate and wow Gavin’s warm and he’s breathing heavily into Michael’s lips-

“I—I…”

“Lindsay knew.  _Fuck._ ” Michael’s forehead collides with Gavin’s shoulder when the realisation hits. “She knew you wanted me. She…  I was a wreck and she knew it was ‘cos you were gone. She knew that—“

_I want you._

Michael rolls his head along Gavin’s shoulder, pressing into the warmth. His half-lidded eyes settle on Gavin’s neck and he edges nearer, brushes his lips against the skin and then yep. He breathes in and  _goes for it._

He opens his mouth and sucks in skin.

 _Fuck,_ the sound Gavin makes is gonna be marked into his memory for a very long time.

“Michael—“ His hands come up to try and push him away, but Michael holds tighter, grabs Gavin’s hands and presses them to the wall. It’s too much, all at once.

_Guys, I like guys, okay. Now’s not a good time to start panicking. Maybe it’s just Gavin? Nah, not just Gavin. That hot guy who works at the coffee shop. Went there for months for coffee even though it was fucking disgusting. Doesn’t compare to Gavin though – shit, he tastes good. Wonder how he’ll sound if I bite—_

Ah, that’s how he’ll sound.

“I thought you’d sorted yourself out?” Michael murmurs teasingly into Gavin’s neck. He drags his lips along skin until they’re dancing in front of Gavin’s mouth. He looks fucking  _distraught._

“You tosser,” Gavin curses, though there’s no heat behind it. He’s smirking and jutting his neck out to try and capture Michael’s lips with his own. “When did you—“

“Just now.”  _I’ll worry later._

He presses their lips together, urges Gavin’s mouth open with his own, and then he’s counting Gavin’s teeth with his tongue. Jesus, Gavin’s falling apart underneath him, rolling his hips against Michael’s and groaning like a needy whore and when Gavin sucks Michael’s tongue into his mouth and entwines their fingers together against the wall, Michael just gasps into his mouth and wonders why the  _fuck_ they didn’t do this earlier—

“Jesus Christ!”

Woops.

They break apart at an immense speed and guiltily raise their gazes to look at Burnie. His sandwich flops in his hand.

“Aha…” Gavin scratches the side of his neck, wincing when he catches the fully blossomed bruise.

“I won’t fire either of you if you have something that can make me forget I ever saw that.” Burnie points at the two of them and blinks a few times for dramatic effect. “Fuck, I can feel it burning my retinas.”

Michael’s blushing like a schoolgirl, but he refuses to find the situation embarrassing. He grabs Gavin’s hand.

“The closet’s free, right? We’ll finish up there.”

He pulls Gavin out of the room and despite the horribly cringe-worthy situation, the moment they leave the office, they collapse into laughter. It’s a long time before either of them stop and when they do, they realise they’re clutching onto each other so tightly it almost hurts.

The smile falls from Michael’s face and he relinquishes his grip to fondle with Gavin’s hair.

“Promise me you won’t leave again,” he says quietly. Gavin smiles and tugs on the handful of Michael’s shirt he’s got.

“Not gonna happen.”

They seal it with a kiss.

-

Geoff should have guessed something was up. He’s the more perceptive one. But he didn’t know. None of them did.

Of course, it’s all neon unicorn shit and happiness in the Achievement Hunter office, with Michael and Gavin throwing affectionate slurs at each other. How it used to be.

No one questions the bruise on Gavin’s neck. They figure he’d gone out on another drunken night to pick up chicks – or guys – to get Michael off his mind. Geoff knows he’s pulling himself out of it, so he doesn’t bother bringing it up.

It takes a month. That’s when they find out.

And it’s not even in a dramatic walk-in-on-them-rutting or anything. They stop the Lets Play and Jack leans back in his chair with a sigh. Geoff follows suite and Ray rests his head on the desk.

“Calling it a night, lads?” Ryan says, packing up his laptop. They all yawn in response. Michael’s whispering into Gavin’s ear and they’re giggling like a couple of gossiping women. Geoff raises an eyebrow at Ray, who raises one back. Jack’s oblivious.

And then it happens.

Michael tilts his chair forwards and just lays one on Gavin. Just—he just fucking starts kissing him. Strictly PG, but  _what—_

Ray falls off of his chair, drawing Michael and Gavin’s attention away from each other.

“What the fuck was that?!” Ray points and pushes his glasses up his nose with his other hand. “Did you just—fucking hell, _what?”_

“When did that happen?!” Geoff exclaims and then Jack and Ryan’s attention is captured.

“What?” Jack asks.

“Michael—Gavin—They—“

“Oh my God, you fucktards. Are you kidding me? You had no idea?” Michael starts to laugh and Gavin snorts back laughter too. “Jesus Christ, we’re practically attached at the hip. Ray, you walked in on us in the toilets!”

Ray blinks. He blinks again. Then he starts to gag.

“I thought you were  _fighting.”_

Oh, Michael and Gavin are  _gone._ They’re choking, tears in their eyes.

“I’m—screw you guys, we’re going home. Holy fuck…” Michael pulls Gavin up and grabs his hand, twining their fingers together. “You didn’t even notice  _this?”_

“We thought you were just being… friendly,” Ryan pitches in. Still chuckling, Michael shakes his head and opens the door to the office. He nearly walks straight into Burnie.

“Can I tell them now?” Burnie asks. Michael stares him down seriously for a few minutes.  _How long had he been waiting out there? How long had he been waiting to share THE story?_ Shrugging, he moves aside to let him pass.

“What the hell.”

And then Gavin and him exit, leaving Burnie to finally explain why it was he had to move his office to a completely different room.

Gavin squeezes Michael’s hand when they reach the door to the Roosterteeth office. Michael squeezes his in return.

December is when it begun.


End file.
